Name:Nathan Country:United States State:Oklahoma Metro:Norman Birthday:7/12/1980 Gender:Male
Interests:Ministry, Evangelism, Community Service, Movies, Clean Parties, Football, Ultimate Frisbee, Mafia, Spades, Guitar, listening to all sorts of music, Hookah, Preaching Hellfire and Brimstone sermons (not really!), getting involved in stupid prank wars (it has been a while, though), watching / playing just about any sports, hanging with friends, making random posts on random Xangas... Expertise:Being me! Getting to know people, entrepreneurship, leadership development and training, teaching, and begging God for forgiveness (happens way too often). Occupation:Education/training Industry:Nonprofit
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I swam for 14 years and this philosophy has deeply permeated who I am. There are a lot of associated strengths with this perspective on life. I work very hard. I am full of passion and enthusiasm. So long as I’m passionate about the right things I tend to have some level of success.
The great thing about swimming is that I knew what needed to be done and I could do it. I was a late bloomer physically but have always been very competitive. I was at a severe disadvantage when there were 12 year olds with mustaches and I was still losing teeth. I still can’t even grow a mustache! Once I hit puberty I was well positioned to dominate the competition. I loved swimming. I was in control. I knew what I wanted and if I wanted it bad enough I could make just about anything happen. If I couldn’t make it happen, I would occasionally toss the goggles, kick a trash can, sulk, or engage in other colorful behavior.
This outlook has also had some pretty devastating consequences in my life. Often times these come out in the worst of areas- ministry and relationships. This plays out particularly clearly in the Sunday school class I work with. I am so passionate about seeing us grow as a class. There is very little I wouldn’t do to see some traction develop regarding what we are studying. I’ll try to be funny. I’ll try to keep things discussion based. I’ll try to have clear application points. Even though it pains me, I’ll try to get everyone out by noon. I’ll bring in the latest business technology and processes to the class. I just want everyone to share in the experience of a life-changing encounter in the study of God's Word.
The hardest thing about being a teacher is the overwhelming conviction that comes with the lessons. I have been agonizing over the Bible Study and prayer series especially. I’m very guilty of not spending enough time in the Word of God or having the right attitude in prayer. I often get caught up in conviction of areas I'm falling short and then try to pass it along. The thing is that if I try to convict others it typically just encourages guilt. The role of the Holy Spirit is to convict and counsel us in the ways we should live.
So please bear with me. Pray for me. Join with me in struggling with and wrestling with God's truths as we seek to apply them to our lives. There is such life in following God and though it is difficult, we can be in no better place than in His hands.
I've been overwhelmed with doubt recently. I'm moving through just my second semester of seminary and already the financial, academic, social, spiritual, and emotional stresses have taken a heavy toll on my heart. Making sacrifices for the Gospel is never easy. At the beginning, like a soldier sent off to war with great fanfare and romanticism, I was so excited about all the possibilities of seminary- to get plugged into a church, work so many hours a week, have so many friends, and be so involved in ministry, outreach, and evangelism. But war is not romantic as any battle-hardened soldier who knows. In battle people are die and are subjected to the most gruesome of scenarios just in an effort to survive, and the ever present reality that death could be just around the corner is forever gnawing at the courage of combatants. In the same way, I've experienced my first dose and now intimately know the horrors inherent in seminary. Financially, seminary is a nightmare. Tuition is reasonable at a few thousand in tuition and books each semester, but that is still a lot of money to deal with. Academically speaking, the more classes we take the more money we owe and the less time we have to work to earn it. We're training to be missionaries and pastors- and we're not headed off to mega-churches with huge budgets! We can't afford to take on debt. It seems like even just taking into account financial and scholastic matters into account would be enough to fully occupy a student. But the problem is that there is so much more- we have to work so hard to maintain spiritual vitality while under intense pressures and assaults from our enemy. The temptation here to have a proud heart is incredibly tantalizing. We're in 'The Ministry'. Look at all we've given up. We are really good at ministry and are so much better than those uneducated 'lay' people, some of which who don't even know what exegesis means! We don't take inventory to realize it because we're so busy fighting off all of the other battles in life. Yet if we lose the battle for our hearts we've failed during our time in seminary and become separated from the very ones for whom we are making these sacrifices- that we might serve and build up the body of believers and proclaim the message of hope we have in Christ to those who do not know Him. We also need to get involved with church ministry, but great ministries are so hard to find and getting settled into the right situation takes so much time and effort. Once settled in, church involvement has to take its place among trying to balance time working, studying, socializing, and in personal devotion. Throw in life and we've got an impossible situation- taking care of routine things like eating or running errands can just seem overwhelming. I've been completely overwhelmed. So much I've wanted to simply throw up my hands and walk away. Rarely a day goes by without thinking back to how life could be if I had waited longer to head to seminary. Before I came to seminary I had a vibrant ministry discipling with younger men- who are all studs and some of the coolest people I know- I was teaching regularly in the church and reaching out to the less fortunate. But now I have almost no money and almost no time and I'm fighting God tooth and nail to cling on to what scraps are left of my life so that I can have some sense of security about my future.
In this scenario, where I feel intense struggles at all the pressure points, doubt has seeped in. Why am I here when I could be having a thriving ministry and earning money in gobs as a full-time employee? Do we really need another hot-shot seminary pastor heading off into the 'real church world' (which can be even more harsh than the 'real world')? In fact, I had all but decided to throw the towel in and try to return to some semblance of a normal life away from all the stresses of seminary. I had had a difficult work week as we lost an employee unexpectedly and are putting on a conference coming up next week and we were still trying to get everything all in line. Basically I was stressed out immensely and not getting sleep. Tired, demoralized, and beaten, I was ready to wave a white flag, get back in line, and put to rest the dreams I've long nurtured to be a fully devoted Christian shepherd in the lives of others.
This is where John 13:34-35 comes in:
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
To be continued... (This is important, but I've got to get some rest!)
I’m in the midst of preparing
a three part series on identity for a Bible Study at my church- just thinking
about how we base our self worth is heartbreaking. We struggle so much with the
idea of self-worth; asking ourselves- are we good looking enough? Witty enough?Fun enough?
Smart enough? Mature enough? Athletic enough?etc… We base so much of who we are on what
we do, how well we do it, and what others think of us. This is kind of the
default identity: My name is ‘X’, I work at ‘Y’, and
I really enjoy ‘Z’. A major problem surfaces when we break down- when we aren’t
good enough, smart enough, strong enough, or smooth enough when it counts. This
leads us to a continual cycle where we strive for acceptance and perfection but
where we WILL ultimately fail. This is the way we typically think, and is
evident even at the highest levels of accomplishment. This world cannot and will
not ever satisfy. We will never be perfect or live up to expectations, and
others certainly won’t live up to ours that we give them.
The beauty of it all is
that we are justified by Christ and can find forgiveness in Him for our faults.
Our identity is found in Him, not in our performance. Our worth is essentially
that is a non-issue. If God would send His Son to die for you and I, should we
ever doubt our worth?
There are so many today
who don’t know this message. There are so many who need encouragement, who need
hope, and who need reason for living. Life tends to cause people to burn out
really fast. Each new eagerly awaited "phase" in life offers only a
heart-wrenching gut check. Being able to drive, vote, going off to college, getting that first big job, getting the ridiculously long-awaited decrease in insurance premiums at age 25 (yes, I'm still bitter!), family, retirement, and death... We can't help but ask ourselves questions like “Is this really
how I want to spend the rest of my life???” These questions lead us on to the next eagerly anticipated "phase" in life that holds the promise of fulfillment. The things we think
satisfy (bigger paycheck, more stuff, being more attractive, relationships, more success/power, more friends, etc…) simply don’t and
we can quickly fall into disillusionment if we don’t numb ourselves into
ignorance with an overwhelming amount of mindless distractions.
Our identity is not found in what we do, but who we are! The determining factor of who we are is who we were created to be, and only God has the definitive answer to that issue. For now, we are limited to examining and considering the different pictures scripture paints of who we are, and deciding whether or not we will accept them. As for me, so much of my worry and stress has vanished recently as I simply accept myself for who God created me to be, trust that His Word is true and that He looks after those who seek after Him, and as I seek Him with all my heart.
What defines a human being? By what measures do we ascribe worth to an individual?
Are we defined by what we do? Are we defined by what others think about us? What about how we look, how much money we have, our status as businessmen/women, or how 'spiritual' we are? What is "success" in a human life? Does a life have any inherent worth? If so, why?
I am currently studying for a 3-part series on identity. Your thoughts are much appreciated! If you do take the time to give an answer, please don't give 'church/Bible' answers, for the sake of giving a 'church/Bible' answer. I'd prefer to hear deep down inside your heart how you tend to view yourself.
For me, I feel defined by what others think of me. My heart yearns to be used by God to reach the lives of other people, but when others don't hold a high view of me, or consider the carefully thought out words given from my heart- I tend to slide into negativity and despair. I've been there a lot lately, and the results in my life have been disastrous!
What do you think? How do you typically define yourself? I know this requires a level of vulnerability to respond, but I would greatly appreciate your response here or by messaging me!
Who is like You, O LORD? You are holy above all else,
creator and sustainer of all living things. There is none like you. Your
righteousness and faithfulness shine like the sun, giving life to this cold and
desolate time we are living in. We have turned aside to worthless idols-
powerless objects in which we place our hope- things that cannot save or
deliver us from trouble. We have devoted ourselves to those things that simply
numb us from the pain and reality of life. Yet these very pains we face are meant
to point us to You. Father, we have strayed so far from the lives You desire
from us, and I am ashamed of my part in this.
I commit to You this day to seek You above all else. I treasure You
as my LORD and Savior, my Redeemer and Rescuer of my soul. In You and You alone
I find life and meaning. Where else can I turn? Teach me to forsake the fleshly
cravings that wage war against my soul; those things which promise life but
only offer death and bitter desolation in the end. This world and its lusts are
quickly passing, but You stand eternal above all, worthy of all praise and
adoration. You alone are my Hope, my Savior, and my Rock in whom I place my
trust. You are my Deliverer, my comfort, and the giver of all good things. I
bear witness to Your majestic love as You have taken meticulous care of me in
every area in my life. I have lacked nothing in all my days because of your
abundant and overwhelming provision in my life. Despite my stubbornness,
hard-heartedness, and persistence in shameful sin You have continued to lavish
forgiveness upon me, soothing my aching and troubled heart with Your peace
which is beyond all comprehension. Please forgive my rebellion against Your
holy Name; purge the iniquity from my heart that I may serve You
whole-heartedly and without reserve. I
commit my life to You in ministry however You so desire. My life is
Yours entirely.
Teach me Your Word LORD, that I may follow in the paths that
You desire. My selfish thoughts betray me with visions of promises that are
barren of joy; my plans end in desolate emptiness and failure. I offer this life and entrust my ministry
to You- that Your ways and Your thoughts dominate my planning, my words, and my
actions. You are my desire and I worship You with everything I am. Your
Word never fails, enduring through all generations and providing sustenance for
living. Scripture stands eternal, a beacon of light in a world of darkness; it
is abundantly sufficient for every work of ministry. I will seek Your Word in all things, that by Your power and authority
this life can be used to change lives and bring glory to Your Name. To
You alone be all the glory and praise for ever and ever. Amen.
